"Son of a whore...look at this!"

"Benjamin, when did you learn language like that?"

"Just look around, old man!! Just look around at this...this *shit*!"

Sisko, Dax, Worf, Bashir and O'Brien stepped off the turbolift onto the Promenade for the first time in months after having beat back the Dominion/Cardassian troops. Odo and Kira had helped the cause by subverting the station from the inside. Now...the station was free. Except for what they saw before them now.

All the Bajoran kiosks were closed and the only recognizable feature was Quark's Bar, which still was open and lit like usual. But around it...

"SPAM!" Dax yelped.

"*WILD AND WILLING*. We do anything?" Bashir frowned at one shop sign.

"*Dominations, and bare-bottom spanking*??" O'Brien grew red in the face as a whore in a leather suit wiggled her ass at him and waggled a finger in welcome from another doorway. "Captain! I can't have my wife and family living in a place like this!"

Suddenly Quark stepped out of his bar and when he saw the Starfleet officers, grinned and yelled out, "Come on in, folks! Forget all those competitors! Amateurs! Besides, why go with real women who probably have real diseases when you can have my finest holograms, tailor-made for you?!"

"Quark!" Sisko yelled, hot under the collar, (and under his belt, too, by the looks of the bulge in his pants). "Are you responsible for this??!"

"No, of course not! Although I do own the LIVE SEX shop and the SPANKING! SPANKING! SPANKING! AND MORE SPANKING!!!!!! emporium." Quark smiled. "The Jem'Hadar may not eat, drink, gamble or have sex. But the Cardassians definitely enjoy eating and gambling. And the Vorta...."

"What about the Vorta?" Bashir asked, puzzled, trying to ignore the dark-haired slut flashing her pussy lips at him from behind the window of HARDCORE SEX AT IT'S BEST emporium. He was glad Garak had stayed on the Defiant to pack their things; he was a jealous man.

"Captain, they are gluttonous, alcoholic, sex-maniacs!" Quark grinned so broadly he nearly cut his lip with a tooth. "They sold all the properties on the Promenade to anyone willing to set up a sex emporium shop."

"But...but there are so many! There are dozens of sex shops. None can really compete with the other. They drown each other out and cancel each other's appeal. And all of them are so sleazy no one would visit them." Worf grumbled.

"That's what you think, Commander. All the Vorta used to keep each shop lit up and all the prostitutes busy, busy, busy."

"Yes, well," Sisko firmed his lips, folded his arms and shook his head. "That will be changing now that we're back."

"What do you mean there's nothing we can do, Constable?"

"I mean, Captain, that there is nothing we can do." Odo replied grumpily. Sisko didn't blame him -- the Founders had changed him back to a human again while Starfleet was gone -- and this time it was a permanent and complete transformation. His face was no longer smooth. In fact, he had a wispy beard and moustache, which Kira had privately told everyone was his attempt to hide the fact that his human face looked too boyish to be taken seriously. That was probably because the Founders had given him the body of a sixteen year old.

The captain thought it was also because until Bashir had come and treated him, he'd had a real bad case of acne. Despite all this, Odo had managed to keep his mind on his report for now, his voice even grumpier than normal.

"The station remained under Bajoran jurisdiction thanks to the treaty. The contracts and leases are all drawn up under Bajoran law. And Bajoran law is lenient toward the shop- owner. So until the shop owners realize they aren't earning enough to keep running their sex shops..."

"Useless, Odo," an exhausted-looking Kira grumbled. "I was up all night going to almost each of those shops, telling them no one would be using their services. But even though they believe me, none of them wants to leave because it would be like a sign that they've given up and they won't do it. They just advertise their SPAM even harder."

"I'm sorry, Kira." Odo muttered, moving a little closer to her to whisper, "I wish there was something I could do to remove this filth and sleaze from the station...but I can't." He took her hand with a puppy-dog look in his eyes, but she swatted at him in irritation.

Apparently his return to human status hadn't affected his feelings for the major, either, Sisko noted with a big sigh. He nodded. "All right, then, what if we buy them out?"

"Captain?" Kira frowned.

"Buy them out. Surely it's a better option than waiting for who knows how long until either they decide it's not worth it or else Deep Space Nine gets the reputation of being Deep Sex Nine and we get overrun by horny space traders and ambassadors from Risa, Delta and Angel One."

"It's worth a try, I guess. How much money though?"

"It can't be that much. I'm sure Starfleet would understand. It's for the good of the station after all."

"Okay, sir, if you say so." Kira looked unconvinced, rubbing her eyes tiredly. The rest of the officer's looked relieved...with the exception of Odo who was fidgeting a bit. Sisko wondered why until he noticed he had a PADD in his lap, very poorly hiding a huge hard on he had.

"I'll talk to Admiral Nechayev immediately. Odo...if you would stay to give the Admiral your report regarding the Bajoran legalities?"

Odo nodded, still looking at Kira, but managing to tear his eyes from her straining bosom as she yawned and stretched in her chair. His voice cracked just a little as he spoke. "Sure thing, Captain."

Benjamin rolled his eyes. "The rest of you are dismissed!"

"Forget it, Ben."

"But Admiral..."

"I said forget it and I meant it. Starfleet just had a very expensive war against the Cardassian/Dominion forces and you want us to lay out who knows how much money to buy a bunch of sex shops???!!"

"They weren't alway sex shops, Admiral. And they won't be again once we buy them. They used to be decent stores, full of Bajoran goods, and restaurants that our officer's ate at. Now they are completely SPAM-ridden...Constable -- tell her!"

"Huh?" Odo looked up from his PADD, to notice both officers staring at him.

"I said come over here tell the Admiral what sort of filth is on the Promenade now."

"Oh, uh..." Odo blushed furiously as he stood, bent slightly to cover up the bulging erection his beige uniform did nothing to hide, and lifted the PADD to read. "Um...uh...the uh, Bajoran antique shop became *Slavemaster's Gay Bondage Site*. The Celestial Cafe became *Domination, bare-bottomed spankings, fetish, and interracial couples fucking live*! The Bolian emporium became *Whores taking it DOGGYSTYLE!!!!!*" Odo paused to wipe the sweat gathering on his moustache and continued in a pain-filled voice, "Garak's clothing store became *BENT OVER SLUTS TAKING IT UP THE ASS*. Um...the Bajoran temple was taken over by KINKY GIRLS WHO LIKE TO EAT EACH OTHER'S MUFFS. Uh...um...Admiral, there are several other shops and restaurants that were similarly taken over, I don't need to read them all, do I??"

He moved the PADD back down in front of him, even as Nechayev frowned. "Is that you Security Chief Odo?"

"Yes, Admiral." He answered miserably.

"You look so...different, Odo."

"The Founders returned me to my human state, Admiral."

"But you look...young."

"I'm old enough to work according to Bajoran law, Admiral. And my mind is the same age."

"You look about fifteen under that caterpillar on your lip."

"Caterpillar?"

"She means the moustache, Odo, and Admiral, Odo is sixteen according to Doctor Bashir, which is more than old enough to legally work for the Bajoran Militia."

"Good lord, that's all we need. A pimply-faced teenager running security on our most sensitive outpost!"

"I thought Bashir took care of those!" Odo fumed now, lifting the PADD to look at himself in the reflection of it's surface.

"Odo...Admiral...this isn't helping our problem. Admiral, Odo's been doing a wonderful job despite his condition and he even helped Major Kira regain the station from the Cardassian/Dominion forces. And Odo...it's not the bumps on your face you should be worried about." Sisko said pointedly, looking at his crotch.

Odo and the Admiral both looked where he was looking and Odo whipped the PADD back down in front of him. Nechayev's eyes widened and she looked very interested.

"So...what do we do then?" he muttered, angry and embarrassed.

"We'll just have to find some way to take care of this problem."

"But nothing helps, Captain," he grumbled. "I tried the cold showers and thinking of someone ugly, like Quark or Kai Winn, but--"

"About the sex emporiums on the Promenade, Odo!!"

"Oh."

Nechayev sighed. "Well, perhaps Starfleet could try to buy those shops. How much money do you think it would take?"

"I have no idea, Admiral. I'll get my officers to ask the shop owners how much they would be willing to sell for."

"All right. If it's not too expensive, then we'll consider it, Ben."

Sisko breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thank you, Admiral."

At the next staff meeting...

"All right, since the constable is obviously going to be late, let's just go on ahead. Major?" Sisko looked over to his first officer.

She grimaced. "Not a fucking thing. And I even tried being _nice_ at first! Finally I put my phazer set on stun and waved it at some bitch at *Twat Spreaders* to get her attention, but she took it away from me and shoved it right up h...um, well...I filed a report with security about it, Captain."

"All right. Thank you, Major. How 'bout you, old man?"

"It took me two hours to get a 'no thanks, not interested' from *STRAP-ONS, DILDOS, DYKES, AND ALL THE HARDCORE SEX YOU COULD WANT*. And it took me _four_ hours to get Worf out of *Tons of Teenage Cheerleaders That Want to Fuck You!*" She snarled, royally pissed, glaring at the softly snoring Klingon.

"Mr. Worf?" -pause- "Mr. WORF?!"

"I TOLD YOU -- NOT INTERESTED!!" the Klingon shouted as he woke from his sound sleep.

"Is that what they said, Mr. Worf?" Benjamin demanded.

"That, too." the Klingon rumbled, then grunted as Dax elbowed him in the ribs.

"Chief O'Brien? How about you?"

"No luck, sir."

"Where did you go, chief? I thought Keiko wouldn't allow you to step foot in any of the shops."

"Well, I didn't actually go, sir."

"What?"

"Uh...well...Keiko went instead, sir. I stayed home with the kids."

"Keiko went?"

"Uh...yes...*Lesbians, Lesbians, Lesbians*! *CuntSucker WhoreHouse*, *DYKES GALORE*! and *HOT WET TWATS* all told her 'not interested'."

"I was right! I _thought_ I saw her at the Cuntsucker Whorehouse this morning!" Dax cried out.

Benjamin frowned. "I didn't know you were assigned there, old man."

The Trill turned bright red and looked off to the side. "Um...uh...well, actually, I _wasn't_." She elbowed Worf again, this time in the jaw, as he growled and started to say something.

"All right then," Sisko quickly interrupted. "How about you Doctor Bashir?"

"Well, I figured two can hit more shops than one, so I asked Garak to help me."

"Garak?"

"Sir, as you know his tailoring shop _was_ taken over by *BENT OVER SLUTS TAKING IT UP THE ASS*. He's as deeply offended as we are."

Kira chortled sarcastically. "Yah, right. He probably wanted *ASS FUCKING GAYS* and *Pretty boys bent over to please you* to take over his shop."

"Major!" Sisko grated.

"You're a bitch." Julian said prissily, as Dax laughed hard enough to almost pee her pants.

Kira smiled toothily. "Bite me, Julian."

"Sorry, I haven't had my shots, darling."

Sisko pounded the desk with his fist. "All right _enough_! Now. What sort of luck did you and Mr. Garak have, doctor?"

"Oh, we did splendidly, sir."

"Who was the girl?!?" Kira and Dax cried out in unison then collapsed in laughter. Bashir gave them a dirty look. Sisko groaned.

"Report, doctor!"

"Well...*BENT OVER SLUTS TAKING IT UP THE ASS* is now uni-sex. As are "

"Excuse me?"

"Tell us about it, Julian!" Kira and Dax cried out and then started giggling again.

"All right you nasty bitches, if you _must_ know *ASS FUCKING GAYS* and *Pretty boys bent over to please you* are now *ASS FUCKING BISEXUALS* and *Pretty girls _and boys_ bent over to please you*."

"Doctor!" Sisko tried to pull his hair out, remembered he'd already pulled it all out a few years before and growled "You were supposed to talk the shops into letting us _buy_ them!"

"But that's what we did, Captain!" Bashir insisted astonished. "We talked them into becoming 'bi'. Now anyone can go into those shops."

Sisko groaned. Kira and Dax howled with fresh laughter. O'Brien scowled. Worf frowned, confused.

Before anything else could happen, the door slid open and Odo rushed in, a bit sweaty, his uniform rumpled and his hair all messed up. Benjamin frowned at a stain on his neck...it looked almost like...like a--

"Is that a bruise, constable?" O'Brien asked, concerned.

"No, it looks more like a suction mark." Bashir noted.

"Constable. That's not a...hickey, is it?" Benjamin asked.

"A hickey! Ooh, someone got his cherry plucked!" Dax cried out with delight, elbowing Kira knowingly. To her surprise, the major did not join in the laughter. In fact, Major Kira was starting to get a bit...red.

"I can't believe it! That...that..."

"Fucking bastard?"

"Yeah!"

"Rotten son of a bitch?"

"Yeah!!"

"Dirty little spawn of a misbegotten gelatinous Gamma- Quadrant cunt?"

"Yeah!! Huh?" Kira stopped headlong and looked over at Dax. They were sharing lunch and notes over their love lives and lack thereof.

"Well, if the goo fits." Dax shrugged.

"Jadzia..."

"Hey, girlfriend...Odo was already used goods, you know?"

"What?!"

"Arissa remember? He was late for duty because she kept him up all night? Or parts of him anyway!" Dax grinned. "Plus he was married once. You honestly think Lwaxana Troi, the horniest woman in the Alpha Quadrant would actually marry him without giving him a poke and tickle? Get a clue! Wake up and smell the jello, Nerys. Odo's not the sweet little virgin boy you make him out to be."

"Well, maybe not like a changeling, but...but now he's--"

"A horny sixteen year old with raging hormones, a paying job, working on a station full of lusty whores. You do the math, dearie."

"ARRGH!! I'd like to rip out her eyeballs and crap down her skull!"

"Arissa? Lwaxana?"

"The overused cunt that dared to touch him last night!" Kira fumed.

"Well, it's not like she did anything illegal."

"Maybe so, but -- HEY! THAT'S IT, DAX!"

"What? Where?"

"It _was_ illegal. Odo's underaged."

"By Starfleet law, yes. But by Bajoran law, no. And he _is_ a Bajoran citizen and part of the Bajoran militia."

"Who's side are you on, Dax?!"

"The side that lets me eat my lunch and ogle the prostitutes in peace."

"Oh, you're hopeless!"

"No I'm not. Look! Look at those two! A slave and his master! Hey...isn't the master...a Cardassian?"

Kira glanced in the direction Dax was staring at and her eyes popped wide open. "Yep...that's a Cardassian all right."

"And isn't that...???"

"Julian!!" they both cried out in unison.

"Hello ladies!" Elim called out, heading for the pair and yanking on the leash that was fitted to the leather harness worn by a red-faced Julian. "Come along, dear, or I'll tie the leash to your rings."

The major and the Trill looked down at the naked chest of the oiled and leatherbound Bashir. A pair of shiny gold nipple rings peeked from between the two larger oval rings that encircled his freshly pierced nubs, the oval rings leather-strapped to his glistening torso.

"Ow!" they both declared.

Bashir sniffed as haughtily as he could. "Those aren't the rings he means."

"Ooh!" they both cried, then turned their sights lower, to where a thin, red leather thong covered all the interesting parts before trailing into a red wisp of thought that bunged up Julian's luscious, gleaming crack and joined to the low- riding waistband in the back.

"No need to stare, darlings. I _am_ off duty. And this _is_ my fiance."

"Congratulations!" Kira squealed, it being the first she'd heard of this.

"Is that a...new outfit, Julian?" Dax teased. She already knew, having broadcast their announcement over the Defiant's loudspeakers on the last day of the war.

"If you must know, this is to be my wedding outfit."

"I guess that answers who's the girl!" Kira cackled.

"Oh, shut your hole. You're just jealous."

"Now, now, is that the way I taught you to behave, my precious?" Garak argued, adjusting his own chaps and cod- piece before tilting his leather cap to study the major. "Look. You made Kira cry."

To their surprise, they had indeed. She was crying into a red napkin shaped like a cock, courtesy of the *CUM FILL MY HOLE* whorehouse and fine-dining palace where they had chosen to eat lunch. It was the only public place left to eat on the station. As it was, the crew was getting a little tired of the edible underwear, cock and cunt cookies, and tasty array of massage creams the place sold. Worse, poor Odo had experienced a massive pimply outbreak a few days earlier after giving in to the temptation and eating several of the pussy-lip chocolate pies they offered. In all, it just wasn't a good week on Deep Space Nine.

"He...he's been after me so long.!" Kira sobbed hysterically. "I...I thought he'd save himself for me!"

"Now, now," Garak oozed, patting Kira's back and earning himself a scowl from his fiance, as Dax hurried to get something for Kira to drink. "I'm sure there's a good reason for his behaviour my dear. Did you ask him? How do you know until you do? He might have been trying to learn ways to pleasure you, you know."

"If he wanted to know that HE COULD HAVE ASKED ME!!!" Kira howled, hiccuping violently and sipping a little coffee from the cock-handled cup Dax held out to her.

"Maybe he was...well...intimidated, my dear." Garak offered.

"What? Don't be ridiculous!" Kira sniffed, recovering.

"Kira, you _are_ a bit intimidating, you know." Dax pointed out.

"What?! Who said that??! I'll rip out their eyeballs and crap down their skull!"

"I think my point is made."

Odo sat in stiff and thorough misery behind his office desk, trying not to look at the monitor that displayed the Promenade.

This was partly because the sight of Kira crying made _him_ want to cry, and partly because every other image on the screen was guaranteed to make his prick even harder than it already was. As it was, he had a terrible ache down there, above his cock and below his balls. He thought he might well rupture before the day was through...if he was lucky. If not, he'd have to go see Bashir, who was about as helpful as a sack of dead mice. The last time he'd been turned into a human, the doctor had given him a children's PADD. "This is Mr. Penis."

Despite this scholarly publication, he hadn't been able to bring himself to actually _do_ the masturbation thing the book had suggested. It seemed entirely too nasty. He was beginning to question his distaste though.

Every night he woke up, sheets drenched with his body's excess cum. That was when he didn't wake up humping the pillow. And every day, hell, every damned _hour_ he spent hard and aching, thanks to the constant atmosphere of sex on DS9. His prick was so excited it would start spurting almost immediately as soon as he undid his trousers and took it in hand to aim it toward the toilet during his bathroom breaks. Even this brought only mild relief.

He hadn't known if he could withstand all the enticements of the big-titted whores on the Promenade last night when he tackled his assignment. To his surprise, he had managed quite well, simply looking each shop owner in the eye, the frozen, gel-lined undershorts he'd purchased at the HOT LEATHER & VINYL GOODS emporium, which had advertised them as "marital aids", keeping his libido on ice...literally.

But by morning, he still had one last place to check, and his underwear had thawed. He had to report to the staff meeting soon, but he decided to risk it. If he had success in at least one shop, he wouldn't feel so bad about attending.

As he waited to talk to the shop owner over the counter, a big, blue, Bolian bitch had plonked herself onto the red velvet loveseat, and, taking him for a customer, brought him down to sit on her lap. Before he could do anything, she had pushed his face between her bountiful tits, pulled opened his uniform and settled them both back.

One large, blue and skillful hand had slid beneath his briefs and applied itself to his interested cock, while a large, blue and skillful mouth had applied itself to his neck. What red- blooded teenage boy could resist?

A few minutes later he had a very large hickey and a crotch full of cum...and five credits less to his station account. He'd hurried a bit stickily to the staff meeting, glad the vinyl underwear hid his problem, only to be accosted by the staff. Worse, Kira thought he'd been untrue to her.

Didn't she know he loved her more than anything? Didn't she know he would never hurt her? Didn't she know that Bashir was wearing a red leather harness, studded collar and a thong?

Odo gaped at the screen. Yep. He sat back and sighed.

Apparently he wasn't the only man on the station to succumb to the joys of the *HOT LEATHER & VINYL GOODS* emporium...

At the next staff meeting, minus Bashir who was busy giving exams to the whores lined up on the Promenade to his office...under the close supervision of his soon-to-be husband.

"So now what can we do??"

"Well, since Julian isn't here, we can talk about the preparations for Garak and Julian's wedding shower."

"I mean about all the SPAM on the Promenade!" Sisko thundered.

"Oh, sorry, Benjamin. But if you really _are_ going to do something about it, let me hurry and get the stuff I need for the party now!" Dax began rushing out of the ward room, leaving the rest of the staff in their sad and confused state.

"Jadzia!" O'Brien's shout stopped her headlong. "Uh, don't get them any lube okay? That's going to be Keiko and my gift to them."

"Ooh, tasty!" Dax twinkled.

"And I got them matching jock straps." Sisko added.

"Tasteful, tasteful."

"I got them Klingon pain sticks...foreplay...you know." Worf rumbled.

"Ooh--say! How come _we_ never use those, huh??" Dax demanded.

"Jadzia..." Worf grew even darker and rolled his eyes. "I'd rather not discuss our sex life in front of the crew."

"Later for you, then, Miss Priss," Dax scowled, then turned to the fidgeting constable. "How 'bout you, Odo? What you get our two lovebirds?"

"A gift certificate for *Slavemaster's Gay Bondage Site*." Odo mumbled miserably, trying but failing to catch Kira's attention. He had gotten her a custom-made apology card from one of the emporiums, but hadn't been able to find a time or place to give it to her. It wasn't what he had in mind, but it had been all he could find. He did like the lovely poem one of the prostitutes had written in it for him:

"Roses are red - just like your luscious cunt The thick throbbing veins in my cock are blue. You don't need to go on a wild goose-hunt My heart and cock belongs to you."

"Nice, very nice." Dax enthused, startling Odo from his thoughts, before she turned eagerly to the also miserable and grumpy Major. "And you Kira? What you get? What you get?"

"Down, girl." Kira sighed. "I didn't know what to get them so I just thought I'd go by *CUM FILL MY HOLE* and get the cake and goodies for their party."

"Sounds nice. I hope you ordered cake #9?"

"Is that the one shaped like a bum with a big dick about to slide into it?"

"It's perfect!" Dax squealed.

"I got #5."

"Aw...."

"Ladies -- if we could discuss the party some other time??" Sisko demanded. "We need to figure out what else we can do. What we can try to get rid of all this fucking SPAM!!"

"Captain! Language." Kira muttered.

"Sorry...this place is getting to me."

"Besides, there isn't much we can do. We tried everything else. The only way to get them out according to Bajoran law is if they don't meet the agreement of their contract with Bajor."

"That's what I figur-- say what?" Sisko, O'Brien, and Dax all said at once.

Odo sat up, winced, then added. "Kira's right. According to Bajoran law, if a shop owner advertises falsely or doesn't provide the services they claim, the contract is null and void and we could kick them off the station."

"Then...all we have to do is prove they aren't delivering the goods? And we can kick them off the station?"

"I think so, yes." Kira nodded, not really caring. Ever since Odo's seeming defection she had been horribly depressed. Not to mention horny as an alleycat! Now she looked over at the young, beige stud-muffin -- _her_ beige stud-muffin, her mind insisted -- that sat across the table at her and tried to stop imagining what the lucky whore that had her way with him had done. She sighed as the captain rubbed his hands together excitedly.

"Then let's get cracking people! Back to the shops. Same ones as before!"

"Captain." Odo paused, not seeing Kira looking at him dreamily as he sat forward and looked at Sisko. "I think we should go to different ones. The shop owners we visited already know us and they might get suspicious if we go to the same ones."

"Good point, constable. Major Kira, re-assign the shops to us, please." "Major Kira?"

"Huh? Oh! What is it?"

"If you could re-assign us all shops to look into again, different ones, we can all get cracking on this assignment."

"Oh. Oh, yea, sure..." she sighed, picked up her PADD and pressed the random sort function. "All right then, Captain Sisko -- *Tie Me Up and Tie Me Down and Suck me off!!!* *CUM Fuck My Hot Wet Pussy!* Okay?"

Sisko blinked. "Sure. I think."

"And if you could swing by *BENT OVER SLUTS TAKING IT UP THE ASS*, that would be help round out the numbers."

"Anytime." Sisko headed out the door.

"Worf, go to *The Hottest Girls on the Net*, check out *COCK SUCKING BABES!!!!!!!!!* and if you find the time, try out *HARDCORE SEX AT IT'S BEST*. Okay?"

"Gladly, Major." The Klingon practically ran out the door, Dax scowling at his back.

"Jadzia, you already went by the Cuntsucker Whorehouse, so go check out *Twat Spreaders*, STRAP-ONS, DILDOS, DYKES, AND ALL THE HARDCORE SEX YOU COULD WANT*. And if you have the time, go by *DYKES GALORE*!"

"Easy as pie. I think I can even do *Lesbians, Lesbians, Lesbians* if you'd like, Major?"

"I thought I'd check out that one myself, but if you want to..."

"Done!" Dax scampered out the door and Kira turned to O'Brien.

"All right chief, let's just keep this between us. Don't tell Keiko and we won't."

"If you really think so, Major. I mean, if I can really help?" the amiable engineer looked very hopeful.

"Oh, I'd say so. You can tell Keiko to go by *FACIALS, ASS FUCKING, AND LEZBOS*, *Domination, bare- bottomed spankings, fetish, and interracial couples fucking live* and *KINKY GIRLS WHO LIKE TO EAT EACH OTHER'S MUFFS*. Then while she's busy, you can go to *THE BEST JERKOFF PLACE ON THE STATION*, check out *My Girlfriend's Pussy* then swing over to *THOUSANDS OF BITCHES SLOBBERING ON CUM SQUIRTING COCKS*."

"Well, if you're sure?"

"Positive. And if you have time you can even try *Whores taking it DOGGYSTYLE!!!!!*"

"Thanks, Major! I'll never forget this!" the happy, horny engineer nearly skipped out of the ward room.

That left a miserable looking constable and a major full of suddenly whimsical notions as she noted the way he was squirming in his seat.

"Well, since Bashir will be busy all day, I guess that just leaves you and I...constable."

He nodded and looked up hopefully but she seemed to be ignoring him now, looking at her PADD. He almost cried. She hated him! She couldn't even stand to look at him! His voice was small and pained when he spoke.

"What...what do you want to assign me to do, Major?"

She put down the PADD then and looked at him. "*Lick my pink pussy*, *Suck on my nipples*...and *fuck my tight, wet hole*, constable."

He nodded, crestfallen. Her voice had been even and firm. She would _never_ forgive him.

"I'll get started on those shops right away." He pushed his chair back heavily and began to get to his feet.

"Computer, engage door lock, authorization Kira Omega One Two Five."

The computer beeped and they could hear the solid 'ker- chunk!' of the locking mechanism. Odo frowned.

"But Major...how can I visit those shops if you lock the door?"

Kira smiled, tossed aside the PADD. "What sites? I didn't order you to visit any sites."

"But you said..." Odo's eyes got wide as Kira slowly stood, kicked off her boots and peeled her uniform off like a grape. His mouth hung open as he took in the site of her perky breasts and thick auburn bush. He swallowed. "You said..."

"I said I want you to *Lick my pink pussy*, *Suck on my nipples*...and *fuck my tight, wet hole*, constable. And I meant every word. I expect my orders to be obeyed."

At this commanding tone his cock sprang up eagerly, pointing in her direction, knowing the sound of it's master. He could feel all the blood rushing out of his head and pouring into his prick. He thought he might pass out, but managed to lurch in her direction, card still clutched in his now sweaty palm.

"Kira...are you saying...do you really mean...you want me to..."

"Oh, come fuck me, you fool!"

She grabbed him by the uniform, card falling forgotten to the floor as she tore his clothes off and fell back on the table, legs spread wide for her young and eager lover.

"I believe," she smiled up at his still-gaping, but so-sweet and boyish face. "that I asked you to *lick my pink pussy*, constable."

"Aye, aye, Major." He bent to his task happily, heart bursting with gladness, cock near to bursting with joy. "Just tell me when to stop." His silky beard tickled her privates and she suppressed a giggle, gasping as his eager lips latched onto her, that fine, long, tongue unfurling through her folds and beginning to lap at her juices.

"Oh, you silly boy...you'll _know_ when!"

Three days later...after the wedding...

"It was too bad our efforts didn't work." Dax sighed as she and Sisko headed for the groom and groom, in line to leave the wedding party.

"Who would have guessed the shopowners would actually deliver what they said?" Sisko grumbled.

"Yes, well, at least the wedding was nice."

"By the power vested in me by the United Federation of Planets, I know pronounce you...master and slave. I'll never live this down old man."

"Shh...you'll hurt Garak's feelings."

"Prophets forfend!" Sisko turned then to smile broadly at the equally beaming Cardassian.

"Captain, I can't thank you enough. The jockstraps were in impeccable taste."

"Anytime, Garak. You be sure and keep Julian happy now, you hear?" The captain nodded at the Cardassian.

"Absolutely. I plan on keeping him nothing less than ecstatic from now on."

The captain smiled, nodded at the gagged and harnessed Julian. "Best of luck to you both."

Bashir winked, his happy grin obscured with the ball-gag, but his eyes expressing great joy. Despite the fact the crews efforts at removing the SPAM from the station hadn't been successful, the wedding shower and wedding _had_ been. He knew Garak, his new husband, agreed.

"Jadzia it was a beautiful party. And such a thoughtful gift." Garak picked up the whip and manacles and nearly giggled with joy. Instead he scraped the roughened whip handle down Julian's bare, sweaty chest and nodded his approval at the slight red mark it left.

"Only the best for my good friends." Dax hugged Garak, then kissed the blushing Julian on the cheek. "He's so cute in red leather."

"And out of it."

"Oh! You bad boy!" Dax swatted at Garak and stepped off.

The tailor turned to the Klingon. "Worf. Your gift was an honor." He bowed.

"The honor is mine in having been asked to witness your...joining." Worf scowled, not certain what to say. What was small talk in a situation like this?

Garak beamed. "Yes, well, since Julian chose to be my slave, we decided the ceremony should be Cardassian."

Worf shrugged. "I did like the part of the ceremony where you...whipped him."

"Yes, I thought I heard someone call out 'Harder, harder!' as I did that."

Worf actually blushed and ran off after Dax. Garak smiled and turned to the next guests trying to leave.

"Ah, the Major and the Constable. How good of you both to break away from your lusty games to attend our wedding."

"Mmph." Kira managed to say from around Odo's tongue.

"Mmph-hmm." Odo managed to say from around Kira's tongue.

Julian and Garak watched as they both staggered toward the door and out, still firmly locked around each other, Odo's hands beneath her jacket and Kira's hand beneath his trousers.

"Ah..." Garak beamed happily. "Young love." He sighed again. "Maybe they'd have better use for the gift certificate than _we_ would!" He laughed then added, "Kira's cake was lovely though wasn't it?"

Bashir nodded. It had been quite lovely. One milk chocolate cake shaped like a stiff cock rubbing up against a gray, marble cake shaped like a stiff cock. He had almost wept when his new husband cut into it and started serving. He blinked away sentimental tears and looked over to the last guests.

Garak nodded politely. "Ahh, the Chief and his lovely wife. Thank you, thank you for coming. And thank you for the gift. Deeply, _deeply_ appreciated by both of us...especially my precious Julian."

"I do hope that's the right kind of lube?" Keiko asked anxiously.

"Rest assured, Mrs. O'Brien, it's perfect."

"I did ask Miles to get the suppository kind, but he never listens to me." she complained.

"Come along, dear." the engineer urged his wife, trying not to look his trussed up friend in the eye.

Keiko ignored him. "And then he came home with boxes full of regular tube lube."

"We should be going, my pet."

"I mean, they work quite well, but there's a big difference between the suppository's and plain old tube lube, especially when you're on the receiving end of an enema, isn't that right, Miles?"

Julian started coughing around his ball-gag and O'Brien took the opportunity to drag off his wife, red-faced.

Garak merely waved. "It was a very thoughtful gesture all the same, Mrs. O'Brien!" He looked around.

No one left. The room was empty now of all but he and his new forever love slave. He ran a hand down that gleaming chest and tweaked one of the nipple rings. Julian shuddered, and his cock began to get hard beneath the tight red leather.

"Now, my love. Shall we try out that tube lube?"

"All right! No more!" Odo gasped as one of Kira's finger began to edge up the tight little bud between his own delectable globes. He was tied and spread-eagled on Kira's bed. In all, it was a typical Thursday night.

Kira popped her wet, luscious lips off his cock and pouted, but kept wiggling her finger between his cheeks. "Aww....."

"If...if you keep that up I won't have anything left, dearest."

"Nonsense. You have a young healthy body, constable. _It_ knows what it wants." She tweaked the loose skin on the tip of his glistening cock and smiled at him. Odo groaned. The problem was...she was right. He threw his head back.

"Ahh...you're worse than Jadzia." He froze as soon as he said this, his eyes growing wide with fear, even as Kira's narrowed with suspicion.

"Oh? And just how and when did _Jadzia_ get to have you, huh?"

Odo didn't answer, then gulped as Kira got a wicked smile, licked her other finger and gently worked it under his foreskin and began to move it in a very slow circle. "Well...I'm waiting."

When he didn't answer right away, she began to wiggle her finger deeper up his bum, not stopping the slow circling of the other. Soon she found a soft tender spot inside him that made Odo groan and toss his head from side to side. His words were frantic and breathless.

"Oh! Dax...Dax came into my room to move my furniture once and...and caught me resting in my bucket. She dropped her commbadge inside me and started pretending to look for it! AHH!!" He bucked as a thick, glistening drop of pearly liquid trickled from him and gasped out, "OHH! She moved her fingers through me and...and...oooohhhh...."

"Why didn't you just push the commbadge _up_ so she could get it, eh, constable?" Kira smiled wickedly, pressing a bit more firmly and deeply up his bum.

"I thought it was just a dream! I swear! Ohhhh....ohhhh...don't stop Nerys..."

Kira let him go and watched as he thrust his hips up into nothing. "Oh, my, look at the time. I think I'll go have a nice long bath..."

"Okay! Okay! I kept moving the commbadge out of her reach! So there! She gave me one of the best experiences of my life! I couldn't help myself!!! Oh...Nerys...my dumpling...I really, really need to...to..."

"Mm..." Kira smiled, amused and unoffended now as she slipped her mouth over him and a few moments later swallowed down his guilty offering as Odo's eyes crossed and he saw double. For some reason this gave him an idea, but he was too overcome by his powerful climax to make it clear in his lust-dazed brain.

When he came to he found he was untied, Kira smiling at him, gently carressing his chest. "Now which was the better experience, constable? Her or me?"

He gathered her close to him and began to kiss her deeply in answer, savoring the salty musk of his own desire from her lips. It was a heady sensation.

"Definitely you, Nerys," he murmured, that odd moment of double vision still bothering him, but ignoring it so he could make love again to Kira.

It kept bothering him until several minutes later, after some serious muff-diving when he was about to slide his long, hard dick home, he suddenly sat back on his haunches and yelled, "That's IT!!"

Kira took this odd behaviour in stride. She merely got up and slapped him down, straddled him and rode him hard to a thundering orgasm.

In Garak and Julian's honeymoon suite at the Slavemaster's Gay Bondage Site, much the same thing was going on. :)

A few days later at the next staff meeting...

"Well...it was a good idea, Constable." Sisko sighed.

"It was. And at least we were able to get Julian and Garak's party done right." Dax pointed out.

Kira scowled. "True...but now, we lost the station!"

"At least we still have a station, Major...thanks to Odo." O'Brien clapped the constable on the back with congratulations.

Odo grinned, blue eyes twinkling, skin completely free and clear of spots, his beard and moustache having grown in thick and full, a soft dark blonde that made him look very dashing. At least that was what Kira said after riding it every morning. He had to shower before coming to work now, but he didn't really mind.

He sighed contentedly. "Well, it just seemed silly to me to have Empok Nor sitting there all nice and new, totally SPAM free and ready for use, while we were drowning in SPAM on DS9."

"Yes, but it'll be confusing to people won't it? I mean, here we are, _two_ identical stations sitting by the wormhole." Dax looked out the ward room window and across the way where another station could be seen in the distance.

"Ah, but _they_ are Deep Space Nine," Sisko lectured. "_We_ are Deep Space Nine-SF."

"SPAM-free." Odo added with satisfaction.

"Plus, now we have a place close by we can vacation at. I thought it was very nice of Quark to give the newlyweds a month's stay at the Slavemasters Gay Bondage site." Dax grinned.

"I didn't even know they had rooms." Worf mumbled.

Dax swatted him playfully. "Silly! All those places have rooms. It's just they usually charge by the hour and not for a month in advance. I think the Slavemaster owner's eyes nearly popped off their stalks when Quark said the rental was for a month."

"Anyway, now I have a place to send the rowdy or undesirable people to." Odo added. "They don't have to bother us here."

"It's kind of...I dunno...sad, though, that Quark decided to stay there." Kira frowned.

"Well, he's raking in latinum hand over fist with all the Risan, Deltan and Angel One delegates having set up embassies over there now."

"Speaking of which," the Captain rumbled. "That is what this meeting was _supposed_ to discuss. With some of the delegates on DS9 and the rest on DS9-SF, how will the meetings take place?"

"I figured someone would shuttle over and get the delegates when it's time for the meetings. They can go back afterward." Odo suggested.

"All right. Any volunteers to go fetch the delegates?"

"Ooh! Us!" Dax squealed. "I want Worf and I to join the shuttlecraft club!"

"Jadzia!"

"Oh, hush."

"All right then. All our problems are solved. But I really need to ask -- Constable, what ever gave you the idea?"

He looked over to Kira and blushed furiously, then back at Sisko and got a big goofy grin.

"Really, Captain, it just...*came* to me."

THE END

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