The Chief knew something was wrong with his kayaking partner, because instead of keeping quiet like he normally did as he lustily sang his 'ancient Human sea chanteys', he kept making little snorting sounds. For that matter, he'd fallen out of rhythm at least four times, making them capsize thrice and nearly crash into a holographic rock canyon wall the fourth. Enough, was enough.

"Computer end program!"

Suddenly the bare holo-grid was revealed and he turned around to glare at the constable angrily.

"Alright, what the hell is the matter with ye?!"

"The matter with *me*? I'm not the one who nearly smashed us against that canyon wall!"

O'Brien was taken aback, his anger instantly dying. Odo rarely yelled, for that matter, he rarely snapped back the way he just did and he frowned at this. Something was wrong, but what?

"Alright, have it your way. But something is wrong. I can tell."

"Everything's wrong," the ex-changeling muttered. Miles perked his ears. Odo never admitted to anything being wrong either, but then...he was human now, too.

"Oh? How so?"

Odo sighed and ran a hand through his hair, then scowled. His hair was as wet as his own, Miles realized. He'd never seen that before. Before this, Odo always 'morphed' the water out of his clothes and hair and now, this dripping wet figure before him looked pathetic...and a bit endearing. He reminded Miles of one of his older cousins, a tall, strapping skinny lad from Gloucestershire he'd idolized as a boy and not seen in a donkey's age, a lad by the name of Siam.

O'Brien smiled at his own Irish euphemisms, both reminiscing and a little sad. That cousin of his had been a large figure in his youth. Large in both senses, he remembered now, also recalling how Siam had taken him under his wing as a boy...then later, helped him iron out his road to manhood. His round cheeks grew flushed and rosy as he remembered the games Siam had played with him when he became fourteen...and had begun to stretch out his trousers with his fine Irish pipe. Siam had taken him firmly in hand, not just figuratively, and taught him about his maturing body, about how to quell the raging hormones that afflicted him. Before his sessions, Miles remembered, he had been a foul-tempered moody boy. __Rather like this lad before me now__

He looked at Odo more closely suddenly. He'd been human the grand total of a month. During the three week voyage back to DS9 from his homeworld, he had learned the basics in care of his human body. Dax had taken it upon herself to care for him and, her past maternal hosts coming to play, had taught him how to eat and dress and see to his toilet...literally. It must have been a humiliating thing, Miles thought now, a grown man needing to be taken in hand like a child, having to be shown how to stand to take a piss...

"Odo, are ye sure something isn't botherin' ye?"

The ex-changeling scowled a little and sat tiredly on the floor of the holosuite. He shook his wet, shaggy hair and Miles went to the replicator and got them both towels. There was nothing they could do about their wet shirts and shorts, but at least they could towel off their hair. He dropped one in Odo's lap and sat cross-legged beside him. "I'll be glad to listen, ye know. Ye've listened to me blather on about my problems with Keiko and my house full of women and all."

Odo snorted. He toweled at his hair, then shook his head and set the towel down. "My problems aren't like yours. It's kind of you to offer to help me, to listen, but I don't think there are any solutions for me except time. Eventually things should...sort themselves out."

"Maybe, but I think I might be able to help," Miles insisted. "I've been a 'solid' a lot longer than ye have. I might have a solution or two up my sleeve." He smiled boyishly to cut the sting of resentment if Odo was to feel any.

Apparently he didn't. He only nodded and then dropped his head a little, looking off to the side. "My...my problem is a bit personal, chief."

Miles edged a little closer to his friend. "And what I told you this morning at breakfast wasn't?"

Odo looked up at this and then nodded, but didn't go on. Miles was referring to his complaint about not being able to have sex with Keiko-- first because Keiko had been injured and needed to recover from her injuries, and then because Major Kira had moved into their quarters and Keiko felt stifled and didn't want to make love in case either Kira would need them and come calling or else that Kira would hear them. He hadn't had sex in over a month, he'd confided to his quiet friend. Miles frowned now as he remembered that he'd thought he'd seen a reddening of Odo's face when he said that and things coalesced in his head. __Of course! The poor fellow must be hornier than a dog in season!__

It only stood to reason. He himself was horny because he hadn't made love in over a month, but he knew what to do about things. In fact, the day before last he had found himself stroking himself to ecstasy inside a deserted and malfunctioning airlock he'd taken it upon himself to fix. He'd been humming old love ballads as he worked and images had filled his mind, and the dream he'd been having lately of making love to both Kira and Keiko had come back to haunt him and lift the fat snake in his trousers. So out it came and he'd stroked himself to a juicy finish, shooting thick wads of lubricant all over the airlock door gears. Now his trouser snake began to wake again in sympathy.

Who had taught Odo about such matters? Or had Julian given him a biology PADD and steered him out of the Infirmary with a clap on the shoulder? How many times had his friend woken up with a raging erection? How many times had he woken to find his seed smearing his bedsheets and shorts? How many times had his now-human trouser snake roused at the sight and smell of a pretty lass? Miles frowned.

"Listen here, Odo," he cleared his throat. "Some things only another friend can tell ye about. Ye remind me of someone who told me about something once that I think might be troublin' ye now."

"I don't think--"

"Just listen fer a minute." He considered his words then just said them. "I bet your trouble is about sex, isn't it?"

The wild, surprised and nervous look Odo gave him only confirmed his suspicions. He put a calming hand on his arm. "Don't worry, this is just between us. I just happen to know when another man isn't getting any it's...well...it's not a pretty picture."

Odo cringed a little in response and Miles added, "There's no shame in it, Odo, honestly. I just realized that no one showed you or told you about what to expect did they?"

The ex-changeling just looked down for a long time, then shook his head. "Not really. Doctor Bashir gave me a biology text to read. It wasn't very helpful and...well, I thought of watching one of Quark's sexual holosuite programs, but that isn't the sort of information I need."

"Why not use the program instead of watching it?"

Odo's blue eyes were cold and fierce. "I wouldn't give that Ferengi the pleasure! He'd probably hold it over my head."

"Hmm...well, my offer stands. I'll be glad to explain anything to ye. Even if ye think it's...really personal. Or really simple."

He calmed at this and managed a tight, little smile. "Thank you, chief. I appreciate it, and...well, truth told I have one question."

"Go on."

"Is there any way...can I...what could I do to..." he stopped, his voice growing tight with embarrassment and Miles put a friendly hand on his shoulder.

"Don't be shy, lad, spit it out."

"How do you stop the...the...the waking up...wet?" He looked down, away, anywhere but at Miles and the engineer nodded sadly. It was just as he thought, no one had told the poor lad anything at all.

"I'll tell ye, but I need to ask-- did Julian not give ye any books on masturbation?"

The blue eyes looked up, startled. "What?"

"I know ye read about it, some of my novels have it in them."

"The novels you've given me have a lot of information I don't understand. I just read the dialogue and skip the rest," Odo admitted.

"Well, there's the problem." Miles frowned. "A few of those books would have helped you a lot right now for what you're going through."

"Couldn't you just tell me, chief?"

"Yea, sure, but it's not so simple as that. Some of it is in the showing..." his voice trailed off as the image of Siam came to him again...Siam putting his large warm hand on his boyish penis, taking his own lengthy rod in hand and showing him how to relieve the uncomfortable and unpredictable pressure that seemed to grow inside his belly. Relieve that tight and pressing feeling that made it swell and then shoot warm, sticky cum inside his pants at school.

"Chief, are you all right? Your face is getting red."

"Pardon? Oh, I'm fine, just remembering. Listen, Odo," he sighed and put his hand down, coming to a decision. "I *can* show you, but this is something that men, human men, have been learning from their brothers or their cousins, as in my case, or even their fathers or uncles for centuries. Sometimes it's a friend that shows you though, and if ye think it wouldn't bother ye much, I'd be honored to show ye what to do and...how it...works."

Odo considered this in his usual way, tilting his head and weighing it over. After a minute he nodded. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd be glad to...learn from you chief. I trust your information, being a married man and all."

"Married's got precious little to do with it, constable." Miles beamed. "Come on then, let's take a walk to your quarters. We wouldn't want Quark to catch a peak of *this* in his spy camera's!"

"Maybe it would help if ye tell me what's been happening...go with some explanations first."

"Happening?"

"Yea...ye know-- any...*symptoms*."

"Oh. Well, if I don't wake up...wet...I wake up...uh--"

"Hard?"

He nodded, obviously embarrassed. A deep red blush colored his cheeks and Miles smiled. "Och! That's nothin' at all to be ashamed of!" Blue eyes looked at him. "'Tis true. I'm married and I still sprout a good stiff prick when I see a pretty girl. That's what makes me a man. And it's what makes one of ye, as well."

"It, uh...happens *then*, too."

"Of course it does, yer a man-- nothing at all wrong with it or strange and nothing to be ashamed of."

Odo nodded, his shoulders relaxing and he spoke with his hands as he admitted, "It happens when I'm sitting there sometimes...and...I can't just stand up and..."

"Not to worry, first, what sort of underwear do you wear?"

The constable looked puzzled. "Underwear?"

"Och! There's another problem right there...look, ye need to wear them. A good jock will protect yer balls during a fight and keep yer prick from poking out yer trousers if ye get hard."

"My balls?"

"Yer balls man, yer family jewels...let me guess, the biology text? Your testicles, man!"

"Oh. Yes, it did state they were sensitive."

"I tell ye, ye won't want to be taking a Klingon boot there...or anything else. Ye'll talk like a lady for a few days and probably piss blood."

"Really?" Odo seemed to cringe at this.

"O' now don't be worryin'. Have the computer measure ye for a good jock and start wearin' it under yer uniform. One problem solved. See? This is the sort of thing I wanted to talk to ye aboot...and show ye."

"Show me?"

"Like me cousin Siam showed me. There's a thing ye can do to help yer prick behave itself and help ye keep yer mind on yer work. Doesna' take long at all, ye can do it in the morning when ye bathe and again if need be at night before ye go to sleep. Keeps a man healthy and content. And if things get too hard, if ye take my meaning, during the day, ye can even go to a lavatory and relieve the pressure."

"That sounds like what I could use right now, chief."

"Aye...it sounds that way to me, too." He frowned in thought; how to go about it? No way better than being direct. "So...is there someplace ye'd be more comfortable? It's best if we can sit or lie down." He looked around then gestured toward the porthole. "Right there, on the floor. I'll get us some towels and things."

Odo watched as Miles headed for his replicator and then got up and went to where he'd indicated. He had a thick, plushy rug thrown over the floor covering there. He liked sitting and looking at the stars while quiet Bajoran music played.

The chief came over with two towels and a small jar. "All right, lets sit ourselves down." They did. He gave the constable a towel and kept one for himself. "Ye'll be needing this later." He opened the jar and left it on the floor between them. They were but a foot apart. "All right, sit back then, against this bureau. That's the way. Just relax and...think of pretty lasses."

"Lasses?"

"Girls, Odo...think of pretty girls. Me... I like to think of some of those Bajoran dabo girls." Miles leaned back, spreading his legs a bit and letting his hand drape over his upper thigh. "Their long legs and ripe, peachy bottoms...full, round bosoms and moist red lips...aye, that's the ticket...I'm already feeling a tingle. You?"

"Tingle?"

"Yea, I'm starting to get hard."

"Oh." Odo looked a bit startled, but cleared his throat and sat back the same way and closed his eyes and tried to do as the chief instructed.

"Well?"

"What? Oh...I'm...I'm thinking of pretty girls."

"Good lad...keep thinking...imagine one ye find comely and imagine her curves, her skin, her lovely hair and eyes...looking at ye with wanting...wanting ye...wanting to touch ye...wanting ye to touch *her*."

"...oh..." the constable almost moaned as his long, slender prick began to extend...lengthening beneath his camping shorts, pulsing... "I...I think it's working, chief."

"Good lad...keep thinking..."

"I am." He was...but it wasn't for one of the dabo girls. When he closed his eyes one particular face came to mind, one pair of eyes...one pair of moist, parted lips...Prophets, how he wanted her... "...oh."

"Good lad...be easy...just hold her image in yer head."

"Yes."

"Relax...easy...." Miles was already rubbing his thick Irish pipe through his kayaking shorts. He opened his eyes, noted his friend leaned against bureau, eyes closed and lips apart, breathing in gasps. His hands were clenched and he squirmed. Small wonder considering the size of the lump under his shorts, Miles thought. Ye wouldn't know it to look at him, but the constable was hiding a right proper pipe of his own under his clothes. He stretched his large hand out and squeezed Odo's lean thigh. Odo jumped. "Easy...I was just going to suggest ye taking it in hand now."

He opened his eyes, blinked a few times, looked at the chief. "In hand?"

Miles slipped his strong hand to the straining protuberance in his friends lap and gently squeezed. Despite himself, the constable's hips pushed up into the warmth and pressure and he then sat back, blushing fiercely.

"Easy...I won't bite...and I'm not coming on to ye...just trying to show ye...just do what I'm doing." He slid his hand off his own thickly, swollen knob and revealed the damp bulge beneath his shorts. Odo looked. He put his hand back on himself nodded, wanting him to do the same. Odo nodded. Looking down he gingerly put a lean, firm hand on himself, closed his eyes again at the sensation.

"...yes."

"That's the ticket. Rub it...squeeze it gently...feel it grow in yer hand."

"Yes."

"Good lad...now...carefully slip yer hand inside...under yer shorts...take it firm and feel it..." as he spoke, Miles was doing the same thing, feeling himself get more excited now. "Feel it throbbing."

"...yes..."

"Take it out, there's a good lad...don't be shy...just do like me here...now...thats what this is for." He reached for the jar and scooped out some cream. "Take some, it's Risan massage cream...feels wonderful."

Odo did, eyes widening as he noticed O'Brien's hugely swollen prick. It wasn't long like his, but it was as fat as his wrist, with a thick, red swollen knob. Miles massaged the cream on himself, nodded at his friend to follow suit. He did, carefully spreading the cream along his own long, slightly curved erection. It looked a little different from the chiefs and he frowned. Then Miles noted his look and he frowned, too, then his expression cleared.

"Och...yer not cut, are ye...of course, I wouldna' thought of that."

"Cut?"

"I'm circumcised." He pointed to his thick meat and shrugged. "I got an infection when I was a boy and me father had it done. Some men still have it done for cosmetic reasons...or religious ones. But the Founders...they gave ye a new born body and newborns have foreskins."

"I...don't follow."

"All that loose skin at the tip of yer prick, man...that's a foreskin. It covers the head of yer penis, ye ken?"

"Oh. I think I understand. Doctor Bashir told me I had to pull it back to, uh, urinate...and to wash underneath it when I showered."

"That's right...ye can get infection if yer not clean. I got infection from a bad scratch I took when I fell in some brambles after goin' skinnydipping, but that's a long story fer now. Fer now, just take my word it's something ye need to take care of and handle properly. Now...it's very sensitive underneath there. The tip of his prick is real tender beneath an uncut man's foreskin."

"It is." Odo nodded, feeling a little self-conscious again.

"Aye, I remember. That's good and bad...it's good in that ye won't need much to come...it's bad in that ye can come too soon if yer with a woman that likes to fondle ye a lot or be oral with ye."

"Oral?"

"A woman that likes to suck on yer prick." O'Brien sighed. "After this ye really need to read those books again, Odo."

"Oh...sorry."

"Don't be...we all have to learn sometime and from someone. I learned this from my cousin Siam. He took me in hand so to speak...showed me how to clean out the old Irish pipe."

"I don't have any cousins."

"I know. Doesna' matter...yer doin' fine and by the end of the week...ye'll be havin' no more troubles with yer own fine pipe." Miles grinned. "Matter of fact, I'm a little jealous of ye there...ye've got a fine long prong...be proud of it, at least the Founders did right by ye down there."

"I'm glad you think so."

"Won't be only me thinkin' so...when the ladies see that...well, let's just say they'll be impressed."

"I'm...glad you think so."

"Ennyrode, let's go on shall we? This feels so good. It's been too long for me. It's really not fair of Keiko to keep herself from me. I need to have it off at least every other day, fer heavens sake." Miles rubbed himself harder now.

"Every other day? I thought you said I'd need to do this twice a day?"

"Oh, aye. I have sex with Keiko, Odo, don't get me wrong! But I still take time for this. It's a thing a man does. If yer on yer own like ye are right now...even if yer with a lady and getting it regular, its a thing ye can do for yerself, it feels good, it doesn't harm anyone and it makes ye learn about yerself and what ye like. Besides, ye can be with whoever ye want to be in here, in yer head with yer prick in hand, ye can close yer eyes and be with anyone...Leeta...one of the dabo girls...that lady that's been chasing ye...what's her name?"

"Aroya?"

"Her." Miles kept rubbing as he talked, eyes closed. Odo was a little startled by this, but relaxed and kept gently massaging himself, no longer so self-conscious. "She'd be glad to clean yer pipes man...just a thought to keep in mind."

"Oh. I...I'll consider it."

"Don't be shy...close yer eyes and think of whoever ye like. Oh, god!"

"What?" Odo was alarmed at the chief's voice.

"What? Oh...no...don't...don't worry. I'm getting close is all. I'll be coming soon."

"Coming?"

"Spurting me seed, me sperm. Coming. That wet you find when you wake up, that's sperm. Most men call it come."

"Oh."

"And that's what I got these...these towels for...oh, it's coming."

"I think it, uh...that it already got here, chief."

Miles snorted with laughter, sweat damping his skin now. "Oh, aye...that's just pre-cum. Plentiful lot of it, no?" He gasped, well into whanging his swollen prong now. "Some men have that, some don't. It's like...like lubricant."

"Oh." It seemed the chief had matters well in hand. So to speak. Odo looked down now into his lap where his own heavily swollen penis glistened with the massage cream. It *did* feel good, he thought. He closed his eyes now, leaving the chief to his own panting fantasy, and closed his hand around the shaft of his erection, began to slide it up and down the way the chief was doing with his own. His mind slipped back to the woman of his dreams.

He could see her, just as she'd been once when she'd come to his office. She hadn't been in her right mind at the time, taken over by some sort of alien telepathic matrix, but he hadn't known that at the time. He had come into his office to find her stretched out in his chair, her legs up on his desk...looking incredibly sexy. Odo had never considered a woman to look sexy until that moment right there, when he began to understand what the word sexy meant.

(And she had smiled at him, a lazy, sensual smile meant for him alone...and she stretched, pushing up her firm breasts as she got up...and stepped to him.)

He didn't know it but his hand had quickened it's speed now, sliding the fleshy bit of skin up and down over the tip of his straining prick. His mouth was slack, chest heaving with his breathy gasps.

(She stepped up to him and smiled...and he had looked in her eyes because he'd almost found himself staring at her beautifully rounded breasts...breasts even fuller and more lovely now that she was carrying a child)

And his mind moved elsewhere, to a time when she'd stepped up and taken his hand, and he'd never needed someone to touch him more, because he had chosen to leave the people he'd looked for all his life

(they'd beamed up together and she'd walked him quietly to his room...and walked him in...and then thrown her arms around him, drawn him close to her)

She meant to be comforting, but he had felt her touch all through him, and clutched her tightly against him, not so much for succor, but because he thought he might not be able to fight the burning need in him. He *needed* someone so badly then...he had needed her most of all...*wanted* her...

(And she thought he was just overcome by despair and held onto him as tightly as he held her...murmuring soothing words, rubbing his back and rocking as the helpless shudders ran through him unrelentingly)

...and he could feel her pressed against him, against his entire body, and felt guilty and glad and tried to stop shuddering, but he knew she didn't realize that it was him trying to stay formed, to not spread out over her...and into her... into--

__Nerys...__

"OH!" (...Nerys...)

He dimly realized he was shuddering helplessly again, but this time because intense jolts of pleasure were arching up his spine. Thick, bursts of hot sperm were shooting from his swollen prick, over and over. It took a while until the sensation started to damp down and his breathing calmed. He could feel the flood ease, now oozing slowly down his hand. The pleasurable sensations were still running in little tingles along his skin. He didn't open his eyes though; he was not looking forward to what he would find. He thought he must have squirted thick, sticky sperm everywhere.

He drew in a breath and felt his face burn with a guilty shame, but he could not deny how incredible it had been, how it had met his needs. The chief had been right. Finally he opened his eyes and looked down, at his lap. The towel was spread out over it. He hadn't felt it thrown on him, so intense had been his imaginings. The towel had caught the majority of his eruption. He finally looked to Miles who merely smiled at him. He sounded tired, but satisfied.

"Good lad. Good job. I'll bet it did the trick, eh?"

Odo relaxed, nodded. The chief was right-- he felt a lot better, a lot calmer. He was a little sweaty, but inside he no longer had the feel of impending doom, that strained feeling of tension.

"That's what ye do, then." Miles sighed, relaxing back against the bureau. A towel was balled up by his thigh as well. The constable realized he was still uncovered and took the towel off his lap, mopped himself off, tucked himself back under his shorts. The relaxed, slender penis looked almost innocent now, not capable of becoming the long straining rod it had just been a moment ago. Appearances were deceiving, he reminded himself.

"Well, then...I should be off. Keiko probably has lunch waiting." Miles sighed, began to stand. "Look, why don't you come by for dinner?"

"Dinner?"

"Yea, it's me and Keiko, Kira and Molly...it'd be nice to have another man around. Even up the odds a bit." The chief dropped his own towel into the recycling unit and turned back to his friend, "For that matter, if ye value my advice, I'd ask that pretty lady, that Aroya...take *her* to dinner. Bring her tonight."

"Oh...I don't think so, chief." He wasn't ashamed of what they'd done, but the thought of sitting across from Kira, or worse, *beside* her... "Come on, man. It'll give you a chance to be with Kira."

Odo looked up at this. His eyes were alarmed...and a little angry, too. Miles waved a hand. "Stand down, constable. Ye called out her name. It's alright. I still think of Keiko when I come meself, sometimes I even talk to her as I do meself."

Odo's head dropped now. Funny, he was more ashamed of having his secret out than of masturbating with the chief. Miles shrugged. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. Ye can't help what ye feel, right? Now more than ever, I'd say. Ennyrode..." He got up and smiled kindly down at his friend. "I'd best go...and if ye want to drop by for dinner, it's at 1930. Bring that lady...don't bring that lady, but let me tell ye, take it from someone who knows--sometimes to open a woman's eyes, it helps to show her that someone *else* finds ye...interesting." He grinned and then nodded at him. "Now...I'm off." He stepped out of the room, humming loudly to himself.

Odo thought about Aroya now, about her eager flirting. And he wondered what the expression on Kira's face would be as he stepped into the O'Briens with her at his side. And he smiled.

- the end -